commit-confessional ⛪

Bless me Father, for I have force-pushed to main.

Analyzes your git history for sins — bad commit patterns — issues a humorous confession, and assigns penance. Run it from any git repo. Get judged.

---

Install

# Run directly (no install needed)
npx commit-confessional

# Or clone and run
git clone https://github.com/NickCirv/commit-confessional
cd commit-confessional
node index.js

Usage

# From inside any git repo:
node /path/to/index.js

# Or if installed globally:
confess

---

Example Output

  Examining your conscience...

        ╔══════════════════════╗
        ║                      ║
        ║   CONFESSIONAL BOOTH  ║
        ║                      ║
        ║   🕯️  git confess 🕯️   ║
        ║                      ║
        ╚══════════════════════╝

  "Bless me Father, for I have sinned."
   It has been unknown days since my last refactor.

  Repo: my-startup-app
  ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

  YOUR SINS:

  💥  [MORTAL SIN]   Force Pushes (×3, +15 pts)
     You overwrote 3 piece(s) of history. Very Thanos of you.
     → abc1234 forced update on main

  🔗  [VENIAL SIN]   Fix Chains (fix fix fix...) (×4, +8 pts)
     4 consecutive "fix" commits. Write it right the first time, brother.
     → fix login, fix login again, fix login for real, fix login pls

  ☀️  [MORTAL SIN]   Sunday Deploys / Commits (×5, +25 pts)
     5 commits on a Sunday. The Lord rested. You did not.
     → feat: "should be fine" hotfix

  😶  [CARDINAL SIN] Single-Character / Dot Commits (×2, +20 pts)
     commit -m "." — a masterwork of communication.
     → def5678 .

  ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

  SIN SCORE: 68 points — IRREDEEMABLE

  ✝  YOUR PENANCE:

  You are beyond penance. Burn the repo and start fresh.
  God have mercy on your codebase.

       ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
       │         CERTIFICATE OF CONFESSION        │
       │                                          │
       │  Penitent: my-startup-app                │
       │  Sins:     4                             │
       │  Score:    68 pts                        │
       │  Verdict:  IRREDEEMABLE                  │
       │                                          │
       │  "Go, and commit more meaningfully."     │
       │                    — Father git blame    │
       └─────────────────────────────────────────┘

---

Sins Detected

Sin	Severity	Description
Force Pushes	MORTAL	Searched via git reflog --all
Fix Chains	VENIAL	3+ consecutive commits starting with "fix"
WIP Commits	VENIAL	Messages containing "wip", "temp", "asdf", "lol", etc.
Merge Main Into Main	MORTAL	git log --merges for self-merges
Sunday Deploys	MORTAL	Commits made on Sundays
2am Commits	VENIAL	Commits between midnight and 4am
Identical Messages	VENIAL	Same commit message appearing twice in a row
Binary Files	MORTAL	.zip, .exe, .dmg, etc. committed to history
Dot Commits	CARDINAL	commit -m "." or single-character messages
Commented-Out Code	VENIAL	Dead code added in recent commits

Penance Scale

Score	Verdict	Penance
0–5	ABSOLVED	Say 3 Hail Linuses and refactor one function today
6–15	SINNER	Write unit tests for the last 3 features you shipped without them
16–30	REPEAT OFFENDER	Squash last 10 commits, write a CHANGELOG, attend code review
31+	IRREDEEMABLE	Burn the repo and start fresh. God have mercy on your codebase.

---

Why

Because we've all done it. The 2am hotfix. The fix fix fix fix chain. The git push --force after a bad rebase. The Sunday deploy that took down prod. The commit -m "." at 3am when you just needed it deployed.

This is your confessional. Run it. Get judged. Do your penance. Be better.

---

Notes

• Zero external dependencies — pure Node.js ES modules
• Requires Node.js 18+
• Requires git in PATH
• Works on any git repo with at least one commit
• No data leaves your machine — all analysis is local git commands

---

MIT License — go forth and sin no more.